If only I close my eyes and open my sense fully, I can almost feel that cool, heavenly breeze blowing on my face. A breeze that has travelled far across the North Pacific Ocean, across the Bahía de Banderas, across the Playa Tranquila, to finally reach my sunscreen covered face as I sit eating the complimentary breakfast of champions - Eggs, sausages and a crepe at the all-inclusive resort; Sheraton Buganvilias in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico.
The day is January 3rd on this good year of our Lord - 2024, and as I chew my eggs, I wonder how the human race has made it this far. As I look upon the star-speckled, shimmering ocean, as the sound of crashing waves and chattering tourists enter my ears, I can't help but wonder, in a world of dwindling reasons to fight, dwindling reasons to keep pushing - perhaps - scenes like this one are worth fighting for.
After a hearty breakfast and several helpings of orange juice, we are ready to seize the day. Today marks the second-last day of our short but sweet visit to this sun-kissed, beach-laden paradise that is Puerto Vallarta, and my partner and I fully intend to make the most of it. First thing on the agenda, is to catch an 8:30am taxi to another beach, Playa Mismaloya, where we will be meeting a man of the ocean named Felipe.
Already running late, we climb into the taxi to meet a happy local driver and told him where we want to go. He tells us it would take us an hour to get there - I tell him, in my broken Spanish, that I will pay him extra if he gets us there in 30 minutes. It in fact only does take around 30 minutes to get there, but a clever ploy the locals use on unsuspecting tourists is to take them on gentle meanders across unnecessary roads so as to increase the drive time and earn more money - but this old dog of the game was having none of it. With cries of 'Muy Rapido!' and "Dinero Extra!', the driver got the message and stepped on the gas, and soon enough, we were flying along the long and winding road, hugging the coastline - to our left, incredible mountainous hills covered in luscious green, to our right, a beautiful, expansive vista of ocean, beaches, and clay-tile roofed houses peppering the landscape. We could have enjoyed the ride a little more if only I hadn't gotten the driver a little too excited with the promise of more 'dinero'. My experience driving in India settled my mind, as this was not half as bad.
We finally made it to Playa Mismaloya, which is a quaint little beach towards the south of Puerto Vallarta, and where our first attraction of the day would be found - Los Arcos National Marine Park. Jutting out of the ocean in that area, are 4 large "arches" or rock formations, around which a plethora of wildlife and sea life live, and lucky travelers can go swimming or snorkeling there. If we were lucky, we may even see a humpback whale or orca, as November to March is whale-watching season. Personally, my biggest desire was to be somehow eaten by a giant whale, and live in it's belly for a few months, before emerging out of it's blowhole in stupendous fashion - very biblical.
Now, the faint-hearted tourist opts to travel from the beach to the arches (a distance across the ocean of about 1.5 kms) via motorboat, but hardened regulars like Felipe will swear that kayaking or paddle boarding is the only way to do it. Felipe was an interesting man - he looked like your typical surfer type - long hair down to his shoulder, wetsuit covering a toned, slightly muscular body, and barefoot. After talking with him for only a moment, we quickly realized that he radiated the energy of a man at peace with the world, a man not troubled by numbers or equations or taxes or whatever the modern man is troubled by. Here was a man who lived by the ocean his whole life, the waves were his guardian, the wind his teacher, and his spirit screamed of that at times turbulent, often serene universe. He would be our guide today, and with him and two other tourists from Los Angeles, him on his trusty paddle board (his back couldn’t handle the Kayak anymore), us on our double kayak, we set out towards the Los Arcos de Mismaloya.
I won't lie to you here readers, the going was tough. Kayaking for close to 2 kms, on not quite still waters, is a great challenge for the arms, back and upper body in general. Despite the strenuous effort, there was a wondrous element of watching Felipe easily match our pace on his paddle board with seemingly no effort. He would often pause to let us catch up and crack a lighthearted joke or provide a fun fact about the area. He especially seemed taken aback by how beautiful the waves that were crashing across the jagged coast line or the arches themselves were. I quickly realized that only someone who had played with these waves for a long time would have the right set of eyes to see the divine beauty ahead of us. Nonetheless, the scene when we reached the arches was spectacular! From a close distance, these rocks look monstrous and alluring simultaneously. Millenia of erosion on it's surfaces, all kinds of birds lazing around watching the boats and people passing by, and finally, the promise of what lay below - a galaxy of multi-color, multi-specie fish.
And so we snorkelled and kayaked our way to Nirvana - the whole ordeal taking us about 3 hours. The noon-day sun was high in the sky by the time we returned to Mismaloya beach, and tourists had already surrounded the short strip, vendors had already emerged out of the woodworks with their fried shrimps, oysters, and mangoes. The arms ached in agony from all the paddling, but luckily, the genius locals had cleverly placed massage parlors all around the beach. We made use of one of these services, and by God, the magical Mexican hands of our masseuses washed away our pains as if Christ himself had touched us. Much too soon, it was time to leave and head back to the inner-city for lunch.
When in Puerto Vallarta, eat like a local. The best of Tacos de Carne or Birria Tacos can only be found in shabby metal stands on the side of the street or back alley, with one man, usually the husband, cooking, and the wife handling customers and taking payments. I swear to you there is no other way. Sure you may see the occasional cockroach scurrying around, but someone profound once said, 'Happiness comes with a cost' so chalk it up and enjoy those delicious, and cheap, food of the Mexican Gods!
I grow weary writing this article, so I will conclude by saying the rest of the day passed in tranquil fashion. We sunbathed at the resort by the beach, endless Mojito's, and at sunset, I proposed to my partner and managed to squeeze a 'yes' out of her. Life is good, and as I sit in the icy desolation of fifteen below zero that is Calgary, I dream about those magnificent coastlines, those brilliant food stands, and those wonderful, kind people that call Puerto Vallarta home. If every you get the chance to visit Mexioco, this hidden gem is just waiting to shine it's multi-color light on you. Enjoy.
L. S. Thomas
I enjoyed reading your article. My favourite part was when you mentioned that the best place to find local, authentic food is in "shabby metal stands." Boy oh boy, you remind me of those old times when I ate at such similar stands in India. Plus, I am pleased to hear that she said "Yes". My hearty congratulations to you two :)